Destiny's Choice

Jason awoke in a cold sweat. He thought he heard Alana scream. There was a flash from outside, and suddenly Jason realized it was raining. Sasha was still curled in a ball on top of his chest, silently sleeping. Jason gently lifted her up and placed her on his pillow, careful not to awaken her. He finally knew what his next move would be. He had gained something from confronting his other side. What he had gained was the ability to let go. The ability to release everything and devote himself completely to his goal. He rolled out of bed and headed to the roof of Thallow Flats to lie in the rain.

When he reached the roof he saw Alana standing there in the rain, alone and staring into the distance. She was glistening wet from the rain, which by now, was only a slight drizzle. Her dark, beautiful hair cascading down her sumptuous shoulders and delicate back. Jason walked over behind her and put his arms around her waist pulling her close to him. He rested his chin on her shoulder, his lips brushing against her ear. She smelled like a rose sprinkled with the morning’s dew.

“I love you Alana.” Jason whispered in her ear.

Before she could respond, there was a rumble from the earth. Suddenly the ground of the vacant lot erupted in a massive explosion. Alana screamed as they were pushed back by the force and heat of the explosion as Jason tried to do his best to shelter her from the blast. Where the lot had once been, only a giant crater remained. The land had been scarred by a mysterious explosion from beneath the ground. This no longer held any meaning for him. Alana had begun to cry, so Jason pulled her close and held her until she had let it all out. As the sun rose above the horizon, Jason realized that the only thing left to him was Sasha and his love for Alana, and he would do anything to protect them.

The End of Jason Tress

Blood was dripping down Jason's arm. The pain from the bullet-wound was unbearable. His shirt was soaked in blood. "How could this have happened?" Jason thought.

"You don't deserve to be here," the other man said. "You've had your chance and you failed miserably. It's my turn now. I would tell you to kiss Alana good-bye, but it's my turn now. You'll never see her again."

"Why...Why did you come back?" Jason said as he tried to get off the floor of his apartment. He was afraid. He didn't want this reminder of what he used to be like near him. "I thought I had gotten rid of you 12 years ago."

"I gave you your space and sat back watching you make mistake after mistake. It's taken you 12 years to find someone and now that you have, I'm taking over. You are not capable of getting anywhere with your life, let alone women. Alana will like me better. I'm just like any other guy, strong and fun, not some emotional sap who realizes too little too late he had a shot, but blew it because he had no balls."

At this point Jason struggled to his feet and walked towards the man in the other room. As he walked, he reached inside his jacket and removed his own gun. They stood there facing each other with guns leveled, both willing to kill the other at the slightest movement.

"I won't let you have her," Jason said through gritted teeth. "I've finally found someone with whom I can be completely open and honest. It doesn't matter whether she likes me or not. Her friendship is all that I need."

"You fool as if you have a choice in this," the man said laughing. It scared Jason. It reminded him of what he used to be like. "The point of a guy's life is not to fall in love or to find friendship, it's to get with as many women as possible. It's about having fun. You failed miserably in those areas, but that's where I come in. I'll do what you couldn't. You aren't capable of making the first move with anyone. You can't ask a girl out, and throughout your entire life, you've only been with one girl. Now, it's time you get out of my way."

There was a sound like thunder.

Jason's View (Not a Part of Blog)

Love is a word used to describe feelings of affection which are so strong we are unable to give them any other title. In some cases, placing a word on these emotions could never come close to describing their true depth and meaning. A point where your feelings are so great that you would be willing to do anything for them. You would live and die for them. You want to be close and hold them in your arms and never let go. All the time you spend away from each other only makes you want to be together more. You can tell them anything and expose yourself completely. Not caring what they might think, but just wanting to tell them the truth. You don’t expect anything in return. In fact you no longer have a need to show physical affection for each other because it can no longer show the extent for which you care for each other. You don’t love them for their appearance; you love them for their real personality. Something they only show to their closest friends and those they have feelings for. If you really love someone, don’t hold anything back. If you hold back your emotions, you will eventually regret it because sometimes you only have one chance to say how you really feel.

The Beauty of Love

The wind was whipping past Jason, lashing his skin wherever it was exposed, but he didn’t care. He was too full of thoughts and emotions, too full of love for Alana. He had finally found someone he could completely trust and love and hoped could love him - even with all his imperfections. He wanted to go to her, to hold her, and to be close. He would do anything for her. He turned into the garage and ran through the lobby, bypassing the elevator, so as to reach 315 as quickly as possible. When he reached her floor, Jason saw Alana just opening her door to go inside. He called to her, and she stopped

Jason ran up to Alana and held her in a long, passionate embrace, not wanting to break away. At first she looked unsure of what to do and a little shocked, but eventually hugged Jason back. He was glad that at least up to this point their feelings were mutual, but he wondered how far he dared go. He pulled away to look into her beautiful brown eyes. His heart was racing at what he was about to do. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss.

“Can I come in? I need to talk,” Jason whispered into her ear.

“Sure,” replied Alana.

Jason followed Alana into her apartment. Once inside, Jason fell down on her couch with Alana sitting next to him. Jason put his head into his hands and began to tell her everything. His feelings for her, what had happened to him in the past, and what he feared might never happen again. “Why am I doing this? Why did I want to tell her everything? Won’t I just get hurt again?” All of these thoughts and more were passing through his mind during this time. Jason didn’t really know why he felt he should do this, but he hoped she felt the same way he did. There was just something about her that was different from all the others. Something about her that made him love her so much.

After he finished his story, they were both quiet just looking at each other. They were close, almost touching. Jason wanted to kiss her, but was afraid she wouldn’t want to. Never mind the fact that he had never been able to make the first move. Then it happened. She slowly leaned over and they kissed for a long moment, but then she pulled away. Jason’s heart was racing, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to kiss her back. He wanted to hold her in his arms, but he could only sit there and look into at her deep eyes and eloquent lips. After several minutes, his heart and mind racing, not knowing what to do or how to feel, he finally decided to do it. He leaned over and kissed her lips long and passionately, enjoying her smell and taste. They kissed for several minutes and gently brushed against each other’s noses like two affectionate young puppies meeting for the first time.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, which Jason could only have hoped for, they pulled away. Jason and Alana spent the rest of the night together in her apartment where they ate and talked about life and their past experiences. Jason was happy that for once he could finally open himself and not have to worry about being betrayed.

Alana

Jason entered the garden after hearing a loud scream come from that direction. He stood there looking at her as she gazed up from the ground of the community garden. Sasha pulled away from him and ran around sniffing and licking her hand. He stood there now with Alana right in front of him; the moment he had been waiting for, but he couldn’t say anything. He was too afraid of failure. Seconds seemed to stretch into eternity as he gazed into her beautiful, mysterious eyes and then that sensuous smile of hers brightened her face. “It is now or never,” Jason thought.

“Hi, Alana,” Jason finally said

“Hi,” she replied in her heavily accented English. “You seem to know my name, but what is yours?”

“My name…my name is Jason. Would you like some help up?”

“Yes, please.” Alana said.

The rest of the conversation was a blur to him as they walked through the garden talking and enjoying each others company. Jason hadn’t felt this happy in years. He was finally able to really talk with someone, sharing with them his real feelings.

Jason and Alana proceeded to leave the garden and head back to Thallow Flats. Once back, Jason took Alana to her room which she said was 315. Jason was a little surprised to hear this and told her he lived in 215, the room right below hers. Just before he left, Jason felt compelled to show his feelings for Alana.

He leaned down and gently kissed Alana’s forehead, then turned and left before she could say or do anything.

Now he didn’t know what to do. He decided he would go for another of those mind-clearing rides. As he proceeded to the garage, he waved to Pokey, who as usual was enthralled in the music to which he always listened. When Jason originally bought it, they had reached an agreement where only Jason would drive it. He would just go in and out to get it. Pokey had seemed a little irritated with the arrangement at the time, but seemed okay with it now. As Jason revved up the engine and proceeded to exit, he decided to stop by Pokey’s office. He knocked on the door and was greeted by Pokey’s smiling face and the ever present headphones. Jason smiled and asked Pokey for a cup of hot chocolate. After Pokey returned with the hot drink, he made some comment about it being too cold to ride a motorcycle, but Jason was thinking about everything that had happened. Jason tipped Pokey a five, drained the cup, and sped off down Main Street, his mind blazing.

A New Beginning

Jason awoke to the sound of Sasha barking and whimpering as she skittered around on the apartment floors chasing some invisible figure. The movie had just finished, and the credits were playing. The herbs he bought from Roots were having the desired effect as he entered the fourth level of experience and found the clarity to see to how he should proceed. He finally understood that the past twelve years had been a waste. He had been wallowing in depression and his own self-pity. He remembered countless times where he promised himself he would live life happily and to its fullest but he always failed

Now it was different. Now he was ready to find someone who he could care for as much as he had for JLC. He reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out the slip of paper that she had placed there the night before and called the number. A smooth, sensual voice answered the phone, addressing him by his full name.

“It’s over. You have tried to pull me back in for the last time. I no longer feel the desperate desire for the physical pleasure which you used to keep me coming back. You had your chance, and you blew it. I’m moving on and this is the last time I plan to talk to you.” Then the line went dead, and as Jason’s heart beat steadily returned to normal, he began to think what his next move would be.

Was there anyone he liked or felt close to that lived in Thallow Flats? Anyone he felt he could trust and tell them anything and everything he was feeling? There was one person. She always seemed to walk around by herself and whenever she was in the Tavern, she never drank. She sat alone with her notebook at one of the old, grimy tables for hours, writing and watching. That’s one of the things he noticed about her, she was always watching people. A few times he thought he saw her looking at him. There was something different about her, a detachment from life, yet seeing the secret present in it. From what he knew, she was around 23 and was from the Middle East. She was very attractive and had a mysterious beauty surrounding her and her beautiful, innocent eyes. Whenever she smiled, her entire face lit up, making her that more beautiful.

The only problem was he had no confidence. He had never asked a girl out before, not even the one with whom he had spent two years of his life. That was one of the reasons he drank. He hoped that one day it would help him become looser and less nervous around women, but it never did. He was utterly pathetic, but hoped that it would be different just this once.

By this time Sasha was jumping up and down on the couch barking to be taken out. As they walked through the lobby, a man raced passed them, stopping just outside the door with a bewildered look in his eye, as he began to look frantically for some item of interest. He remembered this strange man as having introduced himself as Jimmy at the Tavern the night before. Jason thought it would be polite to say hi, but before he could say anything, Jimmy ran off down Main Street. As Jason walked with Sasha, he began to wonder how he would approach her.

A New Friend

“I love you Jason,” JLC whispered in his ear.

That was what she said last night as she came up behind him. Last night was the first night he had seen her in over 10 years. She was shorter than he, but still average height for a woman and slender, with medium length dark brown hair. As always, he found those brown eyes with a hint of grey. She was wearing a black dress; in fact, it was the same black dress he had given her for their two year anniversary. He had tried to forget what she had done, but nothing could replace the heartbreak he had felt. Then here she was, right in front of him, and he remembered everything. All the love. All the passion. All the hatred. He didn’t know what to say, what to feel, he could only stare. After a couple of minutes, seemingly an eternity, he got up and left, returning to his apartment.

It had been 12 years since someone had called him Jason. Twelve years of James. Twelve years of hiding his emotions. Twelve years of looking through life but never finding what he wanted. Twelve years of isolation. It had been 12 years of letting no one close, letting no one know what he was truly thinking.

“Why? Why now?” Jason thought. You see James was not his real name. His real name was Jason. “Why should I care? She betrayed me. Why do I still care? Do I care? If I don’t care why haven’t I moved on? I haven’t trusted anyone for so long, why should I trust her now?” With this thought Jason finished his breakfast and decided to clear his head by going for a ride. He put on his leather jacket, which though years old, smelled of new leather, dirt, and smoke, and left the room.

He went to the garage to get his bright green and black YZF-R1 Yamaha bike, and turned onto Main Street towards the expressway. Weaving in and out of traffic, his surroundings blurred around him as he fought for freedom. Signs raced passed him as he pushed his motorcycle to its limit. He didn’t worry about the police, they never bothered him. He enjoyed these rides. It’s not like anyone ever cared whether he lived or died, so why should he. These rides always cleared his mind, but this time he couldn’t stop thinking about the past and about her. He had given her everything, she was his first and last. Everyone says how hindsight is 20-20, and now he understood why. She had manipulated and used him to get what she wanted. He had loved her, and loathed her, but now he didn’t know what to think. Had he over reacted when he found out? Could it really have been a simple mistake, a slip up, and that “word” still held meaning between them? “No,” he thought. “I was right for leaving, if she had loved me as much as she said, then she would not have…” And then Jason realized that he had ridden 200 miles outside the city. He needed to get back before he ran out of gas.

Once back in town, Jason stopped by the new root shop, Roots’ Edible Herb Emporium, which had just opened. As he approached the door, he saw a box lying just outside the door and a sign which read “Free Husky Puppies.” By now only one was left, a girl, who appeared to be sleeping. She was tiny and had a beautiful black and white coat. Jason wondered why someone would get rid of such a beautiful animal, but decided to think about it later as he walked into the slightly run down, hole in the wall store with the freshly painted sign. The owner immediately came up to greet him and asked him what he wanted, saying all the time that he was so excited about opening up this store and it was wonderful he already had his first customer. Jason told him he wanted the Salvia divinorum, a plant containing one of the most potent hallucinogens known to man. All of a sudden the man stopped all his giggling and dancing and was very serious. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked. “Yes,” Jason responded. Jason paid and left, paying the man no more attention. Once outside, Jason found the husky puppy had awoken, climbed out of the box and was sitting next to his bike. The puppy just sat there looking at him with her beautiful blue eyes. The same color as his, but with more emotion. His were dead. He often heard people refer to his gaze as that of ice and death, lacking complete emotion. Jason carefully placed the puppy in his jacket, zipped it up, so she was not in danger of falling out and returned home.

Back in his room, he pulled 10 Things I Hate About You, one of his favorite movies, from the rack under the TV. He had given a lot of thought to naming the little puppy and finally came up with Sasha. Sasha on the other hand was skittering around the room, still not able to walk completely, sniffing and biting everything she saw. He sat down on the couch and began to smoke. Sasha jumped up in his lap, curled into a ball, yawned, and went to sleep, while Jason began to watch the movie.

The Beginning

What day was it? Was it Saturday or Sunday? None of these questions truly mattered because James was long past caring, in fact he couldn't remember the last time he truly cared about anything. It was 6:00 a.m. according to his clock and the first rays of the sun began shooting over the horizon and through his window in room 215 of the rundown apartment building. Last night had been a long night, but not unlike many others, where he had gone down to the local tavern to find answers at the bottom of every glass. Something had been different. He remembered something that had seemed out of place last night at the bar, but what was it. It wasn't the smell of the place, which by now had no distinct smell, having been covered by years of odors from various patrons and food, unwilling to be washed away. It wasn't the furniture of the tavern either, although for the first time in years there appeared to be some cleaning going on. Not that it mattered much by now anyways since the layers of grime could never be removed by now. In fact there wasn't to much to find interesting or pleasant in the tavern except for the mind numbing drinks they served in large quantities. By this time James was fully awake and began to get dressed for his morning run. He did not enjoy the company of people and so was glad to find a time when he could run without having to meet very many people. He ran several miles around town trying to remember what had been different about the night before, but at the same time he remembered a familiar feeling, one that he had tried to bury a long time ago. Once James got back to his room he unlocked the door and headed two rooms over, straight to the shower. There was nothing fancy in his apartment, just a few pictures hanging from the walls, a tv (which by now had lost most of its appeal), a table in the kitchen, and a few other pieces of furniture. James stepped into the hot shower glad to feel the pulsating heat from the shower head on his back and stepped out fully awake and refreshed. He went to the kitchen and fixed himself breakfast, but he didn't feel like cooking so he made cereal. Then it hit him. He remembered what had been so strange and yet so familiar the night before. He remembered seeing her...

Trust and Love

There's no such thing as a person you can trust. Human nature dictates that we are completely selfish creatures. If someone wants to no more about you, ultimately they must have a hidden agenda. Whether it be for the benefit of their own knowledge about you or so they can use it against you, either as blackmail or so they can spin their own thoughts to their friends. If you want to be able to trust someone, you can only rely on yourself. Opening up to someone else only shows a sign of weakness to that person and they will use that against you. It is not worth the risk of being betrayed by someone you thought you could trust, only to find out that they had completely ignored the importance and truth of what you had told them. Those who speak of the concept of love and how you must trust those who you love, don't truly understand the nature of love. There is no truth to the saying it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. To speak thusly, you show yourself to be incompetent, and not capable of understanding what it truly means to be able to love someone. Your only options are to harden yourself against the world or to continuously fall to those who you thought you could trust.